How to Annoy People in an Elevator
Dec 02, 2008 in
Stupid Things to do
- Act like a dog, growl at people.
- Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
- Apply dripping red paint around the edge of the roof hatch. When someone enters, look upwards and whisper “I think they want in…”
- Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Press the wrong ones.
- Ask everyone what they made for their side dish.
- Ask someone to take your temperature, then turn around and bend over.
- Ask, “did you hear that cable snapping sound?”
- Attempt to hypnotize the other passengers.
- Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
- Blow spit balls at the ceiling.
- Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
- Blow your nose on your sleeve.
- Bring a camera, take pictures of everybody in the elevator.
- Bring a chair along.
- Bring easy math flash cards on the elevator and ask the person next to you to help you study them (get them wrong).
- Burp, and then say “mmmm…tasty!”
- Call out, “Group hug!” and enforce it.
- Call the psychic hotline from you cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you’re on.
- Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
- Challenge people to games of hide-and-seek.
- Clutch your stomach and gasp.
- Collapse on the floor when the elevator goes up, then get up and look embarrassed.
- Collect an elevator tax.
- Count down from 100,000 out loud.
- Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
- Do Tai Chi exercises.
- Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”
- Draw a volleyball on the wall of the elevator and insist you have been trapped in there for 3 months. Formally introduce everyone to the volleyball!
- Dress as a clergy member of the opposite sex.
- Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”
- Eat jello through a straw.
- Frown and mutter “gotta go, gotta go” then sigh and say “oops!”
- Give each passenger a round of applause as they enter or leave.
- Give each passenger a ticket and remind them that door prize drawing is in half an hour.
- Give people lectures about the periodic table of elements
- Give religious tracts to each passenger.
- Go into extreme detail explaining how you were trapped in an elevator once for two days.
- Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
- Greet everyone with a smile and a handshake, then ignore them.
- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: “Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!”
- Guard the button panel so no one can touch it. Growl and bite at anyone’s fingers who attept to cross you.
- Have a picnic in the elevator.
- Have a seizure.
- Hold the elevator door open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi John, how’s your day been?”
- Holler “Chutes away!” whenever the elevator descends.
- Hug yourself.
- Hum the theme from Mission Impossible with yours eyes darting around the elevator.
- Hum the theme to Jeopardy
- If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, “Bad touch!”
- If anyone brushes against you, whisper to them “was it good for you too?”
- Introduce yourself as Ochenga-Wangaa The great chief and begin telling stories of your native island.
- Jump up when the elevator reaches a stop.
- Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they want to play.
- Lean against the button panel.
- Lean over to another passenger and whisper: “Noogie patrol coming!”
- Leave a box between the doors.
- Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
- Lick gummy bears and stick them to things (the walls, the buttons, the passengers, etc.)
- Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
- Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
- Make farm noises.
- Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
- Make sure the emergency phone is working.
- Meow occasionally.
- Move your desk in to the elevator, and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
- Mumble autistically about the possibilities of elevator accidents.
- Offer a bite of your fresh tangerine to everyone coming on board.
- Offer hitman services.
- Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
- On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
- On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
- Open a lemonade stand.
- Perform the Hamlet soliloquy. When a new passenger enters, start over again.
- Pick your nose.
- Place police tape (CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS) on the inside of the doors.
- Play dead.
- Play patty–cake with the door.
- Play the harmonica.
- Pour water on the front of your trousers, so it looks like you have wet yourself, tell everyone who comes in to the elevator, that you had a little accident.
- Pray to Budda.
- Preach about the end of the world.
- Pretend to be dead and lie on the elevator floor.
- Pretend you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers
- Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
- Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.
- Read a book upside down.
- Recite poetry in monotone.
- Request for people to watch you Riverdance.
- Say “Ding!” at each floor.
- Say “I wonder what all these do” and push the red buttons.
- Say, while holding a paper with OUT OF ORDER written on it, “I wonder why this was glued on the door when I came in.”
- Scratch yourself.
- Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
- Sell Girl Scout cookies.
- Shadow box.
- Shave.
- Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
- Sing “Mary had a little lamb” while continually pushing buttons.
- Sing: “I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerve’s, everybody’s nerves, everybody’s nerves, i know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves and it goes like this!” to the tune of “camp town lady”…..pause…..repeat….continually.
- Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
- Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
- Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.
- Stare at your thumb and say, “I think it’s getting larger.”
- Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce “I’ve got new socks on!”
- Start a sing-along.
- Start reciting “Green Eggs and Ham” and ask people what comes next.
- Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: “Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”
- Tap dance.
- Tell everyone about the hidden rooftop penthouse belonging to the mob.
- Tell everyone about your love life.
- Tell people you can see their aura.
- Tell the passengers not to worry. The bomb won’t go off for at least another two minutes.
- Throw a party in the vator!
- Try to purchase an article of clothing from the person next to you.
- Untie one shoe, then tie the other. Repeat.
- Walk in circles. Change directions when you hit a passenger.
- Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side.
- Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
- Wear “X-Ray Specs” and leer suggestively at other passengers.
- Wear a basketball jersey. Show everyone your armpit. Works best if you get a good workout and don’t use deodorant.
- Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers “through” it.
- Wear a Santa suit…in June.
- Wear a ski mask and carry an axe.
- Wear complete SCUBA gear, then offer your buddy hose to the other passengers
- When the elevator doors close, bang on them, screaming let me out!
- When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
- When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: “Oh, not now… motion sickness!”
- When the elevator doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay, don’t panic, they’ll open again.”
- When the doors close pretend you arm got caught in it.
- When the doors open, pretend you did it with your mind.
- When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, “Is that your beeper?”
- When the elevator reaches another passenger’s floor, scream and collapse in front of the door.
- When there’s only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
- While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, “hide it…quick!” then whistle innocently.
- Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.
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